Love is all you need

(Jarret Leaman and me Mathias Jolly)

It’s about time that conversations about same-sex relationships came out of the closet in Eeyou Istchee, says Mathias “Maloose” Jolly.

Jolly was the organizer of Eeyou Istchee’s Two-Spirited Community Support Conference, which took place February 16-17 at Montreal’s Le Nouvel Hotel. And while it was the conference’s seventh annual gathering, it was the first time the press was allowed to participate.

“There isn’t much awareness around two-spiritedness and two-spirited issues in Eeyou Istchee,” Jolly told the Nation. “So I felt it was time to go public because it’s okay to be gay, it’s okay to talk about it, it’s not something that should be hidden.”

In addition to the lack of dialogue around the subject, two-spirited people growing up in Eeyou Istchee face a plethora of challenges and it starts early on, according to Jolly. Visibly different children tend to be bullied verbally and physically.

More difficulties arise when two-spirited people reach their teenage years, Jolly observed.

“That’s when our emotions can get mixed up so bad to the point we don’t even know how we’re feeling anymore. That’s the time every teen should be accepted and loved for who they are. Unfortunately, a lot of two-spirited youth don’t get that growing up.”

A 2011 study by the American Academy of Paediatrics said that lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, queer and two-spirited (LGBTQ2S) youth are four times more likely to commit suicide compared to their heterosexual peers. That rate is compounded when LGBTQ2S youth find themselves in un-supportive environments.

But issues around being two-spirited in Eeyou Istchee follow most into their adult life. “Statistically, 10% of Eeyou Istchee is two-spirited,” Jolly noted. “But as we reach our 20s, when most people come out, only a very small percentage of people in Eeyou Istchee who are two-spirited feel secure enough to do so.”

This year also marked the first time the Cree leadership participated in the Two-Spirited Community Support Conference. In his comments to the gathering, Grand Chief Abel Bosum thanked the participants and applauded their courage while sharing a message of inclusivity.

“I see this gathering as a sign of very positive changes that are happening in our Nation with respect to attitudes toward people of different gender and sexual identities,” said Bosum. “It is embedded in our traditional values, that we are respectful of all peoples. On behalf of the Grand Council and of the Cree Nation Government, allow me to say that we stand up against all forms of discrimination, including discrimination against two-spirited people. Our Nation needs each and every individual. And we need each person to feel safe, free of judgment, and included.”

When asked about what it felt like to have the support of Grand Chief Bosum, Jolly was reminded of his youth.

“It was something I needed to hear when I was five, 10 years old,” Jolly noted. “I needed support from my leader at that age because I didn’t have anyone to defend me as a two-spirited person.”

Through this period of Jolly’s life and into his teens, he remembers feeling confused, even suicidal. “I didn’t understand myself, I didn’t understand my place in society,” said Jolly. “I felt like I wanted to die.”

The first step towards making things better for two-spirited people in Eeyou Istchee is talking about it openly, the next is education, he emphasized. “We need to train our social workers, mental health workers, nurses, teachers, and everyone working in the public system in Eeyou Istchee on how to help the two-spirited community.”

But beyond the outside world, the most important thing to focus on is the family-unit.

“It has always been a struggle for parents to understand their two-spirited child. The vast majority of them are in denial. Some parents have disowned or neglected their children after they’ve come out,” acknowledged Jolly.

“Some have said to their child, ‘It’s okay you’re two-spirited, just don’t do it around me or in public.’ This is wrong. You have to embrace your child just they way they are. Otherwise they’ll feel abandoned.”

And in the end, it all comes down to love and acceptance. “The one thing that every child needs, the one thing that will save them from suicide and self harm is unconditional love from a parent,” said Jolly.