The Santa workout
Grasping the handle of the super-sized shopping cart, I join the long line of sweating, winter-coat-swaddled shoppers a hundred metres deep. We are all waiting our turn at the automated checkout machines. One of the machines has communication issues with its customer, someone who insists that the machine is wrong. An employee in an elf suit appears and quickly swipes out every memory of that customer’s transaction and diverts him to another line-up for those who wish to deal with a human cashier. I’ve come prepared knowing that wearing only the lightest summer clothes will aid me in this human endurance challenge – the annual Christmas shopping day.
My slightly new, perfectly fitting shoes are working wonders on my feet as I pace confidently through the slush. My shoes are oil proof and nothing sticks to their suede-feeling surface. The insulated glove shields are wicking out my sweat so my semi-cotton-wool supporting socks don’t slip down and bunch up, saving me from blisters. My thin mechanic’s gloves take the multitude of shopping-bag handles and blood still courses through my fingers naturally protected by neoprene and some kind of wonder material. My hat has built-in lights to verify the price tag and my phone app locates the nearest or lowest price for any item. My Santa legal clause is working like a charm and I’m actually having fun in the hardware department.
Yes, it’s the season for shopping before the mad rushes for the best gifts. Thankfully the season is a good six weeks long and prepares us daily for the merriments and celebrations. So many people who tend to this annual feeling of giving and caring are like that for most of the year, kindly giving and sharing daily. It is those people I wish to target in this column, as I see that Christmas has more to it than many people tend to think of.
In many ways, Christmas is like a feast during a yearlong fast. You get enough and give enough for the rest of the year. But the holidays are more than recognition of when Baby Jesus was brought into this world, but rather a culmination of many good traditions combined into one season of celebration.
Feeling the tug of giving? Save it for the ones you love so it can be cherished forever, or at least six months. Cook up a storm and satisfy your soul. Tell stories to keep the attention tuned to a good feeling and not by the mouth-watering wafts of turkey and pie scents from the kitchen. Hang the stockings with care, surprise everyone and keep it a secret about who it’s from or at least save the gift tags for grateful thanks later on. Gifts and foods chosen with care and extra duty taken for favourable memories. I still remember all the great care my mom put into Christmas dinner. No holds barred, it was a feast for the heart and stomach and fodder for memories. Today, when I bite into a Christmas fruitcake, I always compare it to my mother’s and it is never as good as the memories of mom’s cooking.
Ouch! Someone just rammed their shopping cart into the back of my feet. Ooh that hurts, but I wake up from my Christmas memories and start scanning up a storm of receipts. Miraculously, everything works and I’m quickly heading to the parking spot where I last left my vehicle. My fantastic shopping shoes crisply cling to the slippery pavement and my ultra-grip tires squeak me out the snow-laden lot. Everywhere it’s mayhem with stranded drivers and pedestrians struggling to get around. And spinning tires uselessly. I, with my years of driving off-road and in extreme winter storms, offer only tips to those exasperated drivers on how to manoeuvre gracefully into the slow-moving traffic.
No one cares so I turn up the Christmas music and enter the next shopping mall into the GPS. It’s just 10:30 in the morning and it’s going to be a long day. I request the longest route and avoid the mounting traffic. The all-wheel-drive SUV keeps on trucking as the first mall has been conquered, unknowing that an actual happy shopper just breezed through its endless line of shops. I adjust my driving gloves and shades. Yes, I have finally given into shopping and taking it all on with military precision and persistently scoring high with my partner’s shopping-spree wish list. Yes, no complaints from me this year.
Merry Christmas to all you humbugs out there! Keep your chin up, there is a Santa!