Alternative reality

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Recently, Donald Trump’s Skewed Information Team (SKIT, for short) coined a term that instantly reverberated around the world. They proclaimed the crowd at his January 20 inauguration ceremony to be far larger than any presidential inauguration in history. Was this some sort of mathematical magic by the same company that manufactures ballot-counting machines? Could it be that the press photos photoshopped out all the protesters? Who knows – but one thing is for sure, alternative facts tell us otherwise.

Perhaps this is signalling the ultimate alternative: yes, the Trump universe alternative. In this world, everything can be signed away with a flamboyant flick of the pen. Wham, another executive order is passed on to a hungry corporate world, eager for all developments and economic tidbits the Great Donald tosses their way, like famished street dogs of Wall Street.

Even North Korean leader Kim Jong-un is quaking in his boots, as he discovers that he is an illegal immigrant and will be immediately removed from American soil, not that he ever stepped foot on it. Russian President Vladimir Putin is a huge fan of the Donald, knowing that the Trump practically married into Russia and they are now most likely related by marriage. I guess no need for a wall to keep the Russians out as Alaska will probably be sold back to the Motherland.

Anyways, Trump aside, the news I’ve been hearing lately is on how to keep yourself from going bonkers during these long, cold and wet winter months. Soon, in six weeks or so, warm spring winds will bring some relief to the ice storms that seem to make up most of January of this New Year. Speaking of winter, the North Pole had its share of warm weather again, nothing new by now. Ice melts naturally and it’s just that we just noticed that the world is warming up since the last Ice Age and there’s nothing you can do about it. That’s probably why the Trump nixed all environment bills that need his signature to go ahead.

I could go on and on about Trump and the weather but that’s just plain old bad news and weather. On the brighter side, videos galore of people slipping on ice and car collisions are just what the fair-weather traveler needs to see. Aaarrgggh! At least winter will end soon but not what’s happening south of the border. Soon, chip implants will be tested on immigrants to keep track of them and then the rest of the population will follow, once it’s seen as the easiest way to get in and out of Mexico.

Not that we would need to have one, but think of the inconvenience of losing your passport at that wild resort you went to on a whim. No more personal experiences of getting lost on your honeymoon or at the bachelor party gone wrong. Just ping your hungover body and voila, the quickest route to the nearest Canadian embassy is outlined by the blood vessels in the palm of your hand. Ahhh… the world of Trump.

Maybe the new rules will be in our favour for owning hunting guns, but I doubt that a gun registry is anywhere near the Trump agenda. The world is crazy enough without gun-toting right-wingers ruling the world, but I digress, as long as the world of Trump stays in the south where it belongs.

As far as our present reality is, we are growing like no other First Nation on the planet, and soon we too will need to think of using our resources wisely. Perhaps a miniature Trump Tower in every community?

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